


His Biggest Mistake

by MnemonicMadness



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Declarations Of Love, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Hannibal Loves Will, Hannibal is a Cannibal, Humor, I'm blaming tumblr and Cards Against Humanity Hannibal version for this, Kissing, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Will Loves Hannibal, other episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnemonicMadness/pseuds/MnemonicMadness
Summary: We were playing Hannibal Against Humanity, and this was one of the results:"I thought Will Graham was Hannibal's biggest mistake. I wonder if it wasn't_______1. Not wearing pants.2. Vaping weed with the Crawfords.3. Getting slapped in the face by Miriam Lass' arm.5. Kicking Shia Laboeuf's ass in 'Charlie Countryman'"I've gone ahead and written a drabble for each of these...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Monetre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monetre/gifts).



> My first time writing crack, yay! English isn't my first language, please don't eat me for any mistakes (but I'd appreciate it if you let me know if you find some).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Hannibal and I'd be sad about this if our lord and savior Bryan hadn't done such a terrific job.

 

 

 

1\. In hindsight, perhaps he should have taken his murder suit with him to Florence, although in his defence, he had been in a bit of a hurry. Still, even with the situation being as it was - his beautiful Will drugged and seated as his table, awaiting his forgiveness - he was reluctant to get blood stains on his pants, them being high-quality and rather comfortable.

When Jack Crawford burst through the door moments later, he wore an expression of pure shock on his face. As his gaze took in Hannibal - or, more importantly, the lower half of Hannibal’s body - the agent’s eyes widened further, incredulity and confusion mixing into the shock.

A slight breeze caressed his bare bottom and the cannibal sighed. “Jack, this is not what it looks like.”

 

 

* * *

 

2\. “Oooh, this is good!” Bella Crawford groaned as she bit into the juicy ‘steak’ Hannibal had provided.

Her husband nodded his consent, eyes already red and words slurring just a bit. “Delicious as always, Doctor Lecter!”

“Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it.” Hannibal couldn’t suppress a quiet giggle as he watched Jack take a slightly-bigger-than-proper bite out of the subject of his latest murder investigation, but luckily his own eyes were as red as the Crawfords’ and if they thought his behaviour weird at all, considering their own state, they’d blame it on the weed they’d all consumed.

Passing the vape to Jack, Bella addressed him again. “How do you make it this good? It never turns out this good when I cook. Or Jack.”

He smiled smugly. “Well, in my opinion, it’s all in the meat.”

“Huh. What kind of meat to you use?”

The weed must have affected him more than he’d assumed, because that was the only explanation for him answering without thought: “People.”

The Crawfords gaped.

As drug-addled as he was, the psychiatrist decided that ‘fuck it’ was the right mentality to deal with the situation he’d just caused and shrugged. “Well, I’m the Chesapeak Ripper, what else am I supposed to do with the organs?”

The Crawfords kept gaping for a moment, giving Hannibal the opportunity to take the vape from Jack’s hand and inhale deeply, before the married couple broke down, bodies shaking with giggles, which the serial killer soon joined.

(The next day, Will Graham was released from the BSHCI.)

 

 

* * *

 

3\. The mild irritation that had overcome him ever since reading Miss Lounds’ article on Abel Gideon was only now slowly abating, had served to fuel him as he had devised his plan to poke Jack.

Carefully he opened the heavy door of his walk-in freezer where he stored the meat of the pigs he hadn’t decided to elevate into his art, their remains being too big for the refrigerator in his kitchen at home. Walking slowly as to not slip, he made his way towards the back of the freezer where Miriam Lass’ severed arm was dangling frozen from a shelf.

A small smile stole itself onto his face as he imagined the face Jack would make once he found and identified his missing and long-presumed-dead protégé’s arm, shattering the newly found hope Hannibal had kindled in him with the phonecalls. Thus distracted, as he had just reached his destination, he nearly lost his footing on the freezer’s icy ground and only just caught himself on the shelf, rattling it.

He was still attempting to regain his balance when suddenly something cold hit his face none-too-gently and he jerked back abruptly, hitting his head on the shelf, now after all slipping to the ground. He sat there for a moment, dazed, staring up to the dangling severed arm that had just slapped him in the face.

(He never noticed the small drop of his blood from where he’d hit his head falling to the ground, freezing there and later providing valuable DNA evidence against him.)

 

 

* * *

 

4\. Yeah, no. I’m leaving this one to your imagination. (Or for someone else to write.)

 

 

* * *

 

5\. “Really? Shia Laboeuf?” Will can barely get the words out between fits of giggles.

Hannibal’s only response is to wrap his arm tighter around him and drawing him closer, hiding his face in his beloved’s silky-smooth curls - now finally his to touch and cut and muss in the throes of passion - to tear his eyes away from the movie playing on their TV, letting out a rather embarrassed sigh, only just preventing it from turning into a groan.

Will draws his legs up onto the sofa, now almost sitting in Hannibal’s lap - not that the doctor minds. As tightly pressed against him as he is, he can feel the vibration of Will’s giggles. He would not admit it to him (he doesn’t have to anyway), but this feeling, the mirth on his cherished lover’s face, makes it entirely worth the dread he’s felt since Will has come through the door with a shit-eating grin on his face and this blasted movie in his hand. How the hell he’d managed to unearth this thing on _Cuba_ , Hannibal will never know.

Another giggle, then his empath twists in his arms, pressing a wet kiss into the skin of his neck before nipping sharply at his pulse point, making the older man groan.

Will draws back slightly, carefully as not to put any strain on Hannibal’s still healing gunshot wound, grinning at him. “You really did kick his ass though.”

“Your ass is the one I should kick for making me watch this.” He says with as much dignity as he can muster.

Will laughs, loud and free and wonderful, though he soon winces as the tender skin on his cheek is pulled. Hannibal has to kiss his laugher, for Will’s own good of course, not because he simply isn’t able to resist him. After all, he has an obligation as a doctor.

Minutes later, when they part again, they are both panting slightly, Will’s face as flushed and filled with joy as Hannibal feels, both their gazes heated. He is beautiful.

“Please, you couldn’t. But there are numerous other things you could do to my ass that I’d let you.”

The empath smirks and allows Hannibal another passionate kiss, slowly trailing one of his hands down the latter’s body, but just as his hand grazes the waistband of his trousers, he withdraws, mirth back in his eyes.

“ _After_ we finish this movie.”

This time, Hannibal can’t suppress a groan even as he chases the other’s lips, only permitted a short peck this time.

He tries for a pained expression, but even he can’t fool himself into pretending it comes out as anything other than adoring. “You will be the death of me, mylimasis.”

“Love you too.”

He is sure that Will can hear the fluttering of his heart at those words as he settles back against his chest to continue watching that one stunning display of Hannibal’s past bad-decision-making.

His death, indeed. But oh what a way to go!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any comments would absolutely make my day!
> 
> Screenshot and organising the game: [Hannibalisticcrack](http://hannibalisticcrack.tumblr.com/)  
> (Do yourself a favour and chack out that blog, it's hilarious!)
> 
> Also, if you have any more suggestions what Hannibal's biggest mistake could be, tell me and I'll write more of this!


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